We choose ourselves out of self-love or out of selfishness?

 

Self-love involves acceptance, care, and appreciation of oneself. It’s the way I express respect and compassion towards myself and take care of my emotional, physical, and spiritual needs.

 

Self-love helps me accept both the positive and negative aspects of my personality. It helps me treat myself gently in difficult moments or when I make mistakes. Through self-love, I manage to set healthy boundaries, respect myself, and prioritize my happiness and well-being.

 

This doesn’t mean selfishness or narcissism, but rather a healthy balance between taking care of myself and connecting with others in an authentic and empathetic way.

 

The root of selfishness is fear.

 

There’s a contrast between “I choose myself because I deserve it!” (which comes from fear) and “I choose myself because I understand and realize that it’s my fundamental need to maintain my integrity and health” (which comes from self-love).

 

Both have in common the idea of “choosing myself,” but the emotions that make up the thought, “because I deserve it,” are pain, which turns into frustration and then into anger.

 

“I’ve already done so much for others, when is my turn?”

“I’ve sacrificed so much and I still don’t get anything back.”

“I try to please everyone and still I’m not respected and appreciated!”

“I chose you over myself and I still wasn’t good enough for you.”

“I’ve given you everything I have, what more do you want from me?”

 

All these thoughts show exhaustion on all levels: psychic, mental, and emotional.

 

When we reach anger, although it’s generally considered a negative emotion, in this case it could be the safety belt. Anger is also an inner power. Anger, together with the survival instinct catapults me out of this state where I apparently rooted myself.

 

It’s that moment when I finally feel and understand but also have the courage to act differently. But most of the time, I’m overwhelmed by the feeling of guilt, which is totally normal.

 

It’s extremely difficult to change this behavioral pattern when almost my whole life I’ve lived for others.

 

It’s such a new and unusual state that I almost feel it’s not normal, and even though my past decisions led me to suffering, I’m drawn to that state simply because it’s something ordinary and familiar, and I don’t have to confront the unknown.

 

When you want to rise from such a state, you can’t help but go through selfishness, because you can’t find the middle ground and balance if you don’t experience the extremes.

 

By the way, obviously my pattern has attracted numerous selfish and narcissistic people into my life, because I needed contrast and a mirror, but even a narcissist can be seen as an extremely frightened child with diminished self-love, because if they didn’t wear this “survival mask,” they would feel like no one would love them anymore and they would literally feel and think that they would cease to exist.

 

Learning to love yourself is a long process of back and forth, but it’s the path to liberation and becoming authentic.

 

Namaste